Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Dr. Z is Back!

Sorry to everyone for not posting as often as I would like. A lot has gone on in the last several weeks and I am sure I speak for all Jacket fans in congratulating this very special team. That being said, this weekend the focus of the football world is on Columbus, OH and not our huge battle with the Devils of Durham. For commentary on that, here is my friend Dr. Z. Enjoy, yb.

A Reason To NOT Watch Ohio State vs Michigan….Plus 7 More.

I love college football. But on Saturday, I will not be watching the game between Ohio State and Michigan because to me it is unwatchable. I would rather rake leaves. The fact that ESPN is trying to shove the hype down my throat is reason enough, but for me there are many more reasons. Most importantly, I have no one to root for or against. A loss by both teams is impossible, yet all that I could hope for. I can watch any game on TV as long as I can find the slightest reason to root for or against a team. More often than not, I find a reason to root against a particular team. I do not like the Big Ten and I dislike Ohio State and Michigan equally. The "epic" match up for me on Saturday is Army vs Notre Dame. It has everything a fan like me could want: A team I love (Army) and a team I really hate (Notre Dame). As I avoid ABC like the plague, I'll leave you with 6 more reasons not to watch Ohio State vs Michigan.

1. ESPN. For the last 3 weeks ESPN has done nothing but over-hype this "epic" matchup. If I have to watch one more heart wrenching profile of Troy Smith's "smarts", Anthony Gonzales's "oxygen tent" or Lloyd Carr's pep talks I am going to throw up. The only speeches Carr should be giving are to teens at Alcoholics Anonymous who have been convicted of DUIs. (We'll get back to that drunk later though)

2. Rivalries. A rivalry is only important to people who care. Despite ESPN's best efforts, I will never consider OSU-Michigan the biggest rivalry. In my eyes, Auburn-Alabama, Army-Navy, and Texas-Oklahoma are bigger. Growing up in the Southeast, I didn't even know that Ohio State was Michigan's rival until I went to college up North. Why isn't Michigan's biggest rival Michigan State?

3. Brent Musburger. I'm sure this jerk will be announcing the game...a variable that makes it unwatchable in itself. Brent has never masked his bias towards Big Ten football, so the sound of his drooling over the microphone like a puppy welcoming its master home is inevitable. The only thing that could be worse is a pairing with Keith Jackson (we'll get to that).

4. Lloyd Carr. Back to him. I know I am straying away from the game, but this drunk is an example of how winning can get you a pass for anything. The fact that this man could be responsible for the discipline and mentorship of hundreds of impressionable student-athletes and barely get a slap on the wrist for his DUI conviction is a testament to the values of his institution. "Keep winning big guy, or else we'll stop looking the other way."

5. Keith Jackson. I'm sure he'll come out of retirement for this one. The only thing that gets this guy worked up more than a Big Ten match-up is a classic PAC-10 defensive show-down. Big Ten football gets Keith salivating like Mark Foley in an internet chat-room. As far as this old man is concerned, no other conferences exist and all roads lead to a PAC-10 vs Big-10 bowl game. My over-under on how many times he'll find a way to use the phrase "this is the grand daddy of them all" is 42. While we're at it, Keith, you can't call the Rose Bowl the grand daddy of them all until they stop playing in a stadium with a running track circling the field.

6. Lee Corso. This guy should be a poster child for the Republican efforts to prevent an increase in minimum wage. If this nutcase can make a decent salary, anyone can. When he isn't spewing absolute nonsense and putting stuffed animal heads on his noggin, he has been campaigning for his agenda and this match-up from day one. After Michigan beat Ball State on the last play of the game he said they are "a dominant team that must have been looking ahead." The next week when Florida edged a good South Carolina team and Michigan soundly beat an awful Indiana team, Lee pointed to the narrow Florida win as proof to why Ohio State and Michigan are the best teams in the land.

7. The Big Ten (err Eleven). Ohio State and Michigan are both very good. That can not be taken away from them. But, the Big Ten will not earn the respect they might deserve until they start playing a conference championship game. All this talk about a possible rematch in the BCS championship game is nonsense. If you want a rematch to establish conference dominancy, play a conference championship game like everyone else (oops...almost everyone. PAC10…wink, wink). Don't use our National Championship game to hide from other conferences and settle your backyard squabbles.

If that is enough to keep you away, enjoy your Saturday. Maybe you'll watch Arizona vs Oregon and root for Oregon if you like the green and yellow uniforms or Arizona if you don't.
-Dr. Z